small island studio by 宣雄
Xiong Xuan Melancholy
This is Melancholy and her husband Hao, 9 years ago.
a conversation between Melancholy and Tom on October 6 about Bin and Hao
Tom: Oh, I have a lot of things i regret. What about you?
Melancholy: I used to regret leaving my first boyfriend Bin, after break up, I regret a lot. After left him, i still love him so much. And then life keep going, I got married with Hao. And Hao treat me nicely, very warm and very carefully look after me, and think: oh, this is a good man for me, this is good enough for me. But sometimes i still miss my first boyfriend. I was in love with him for 8 years, we write letters for 8 years, he was my prince. I chase after him for some time, and then he agree to be my boyfriend. And he was my first sex, i was his first sex also, he didn't know how to do it, both people so young and didn't know how to sex, the first time. And then it hurts, it hurts for the first time, and I cried. Why I tell ypu this? He was a soldier, he was in high-school, playing foot-ball, and then he go to army became a soldier for 5 years. I visited him, and he said: you are so nice to me. And he has two daughters right now, sometimes I call him, talk for a while, but I know my reality is Hao, Hao is my husband right now, he is doing so well. he is supporting my art, let me keep drawing, not have to work, that's so much giving to me.
Tom: Yes, I known, you never give those first moments back, it's easy to regret things like that, it's good you find someone so nice to you.
Melancholy: At the beginning of the relationship with Hao, he brought food to my studio, when I was painting, I usually forgot to eat, and that's the first time I got someone look after me so nicely, and I feel so sweet, so nice, and I chose the young man to be my boyfriend. And then we get along for 2.5 years, and then i decided to marry him. I was the one asking marry. He was raised up in a poor family also, as me, I was in a low family. And he was in a small family, his parents were bicycle worker and nurse, his mother was a nurse, and his father was a bicycle maker. He worked in a factory, making bicycles. And he was in charge of making a part of it. I have made my mind, my life just like this, be with Hao, I treasure him, making breakfast for him every day, so he can have some food in his stomach before going to work. He looks after me, and i look after him also. Hao is a nice man. He is playing guitar right now.
Tom: That's nice, he has been playing guitar for a few years, right?
Melancholy: Yes, he played nicely. Self-taught, with Youtube videos. it's a good way to learn. Yes, he is a fast learner. He was the best student during school time. It's the final examination for all highschool students to go to university, and he was the first among the entire province.
Tom: Wow, that's impressive!
Melancholy: Almost perfect scores, he got into the best university of the country in Beijing, that's Tsinghua University, i got in from the artschool, that's how I met him. I got high school examination with art, and then with culture examination too. I was a winner in art part. And then we took a class together, we became teammates in a group, that's how I knew him. But at that time I was in relationship with my first boyfriend, Bin.So i didn't care him, didn't feel anything from him, because my heart was full of that young soldier. And then the last year of the school yard, I met him again at the library, and I think: oh, this young man is so nice. He is good enough for me. He can support my art. So I chose him and left my first boyfriend. I was a little judgeful and scornful at that time, and I regret my attitude a lot. If I didn't met Hao, I couldn't come to the United States, I couldn't visit the Metropolitan Museum of Art, I couldn't open my mind, I couldn't go to PAFA, do cast-drawing there, and decided just drawing entire life, that's a big decision for me. And I still keep the promise, keep drawing every day. So Hao changed me, Hao is the captain of my ship. i have a very small ship, a white ship, with a fan, and he is the captain.
Tom: That's good, I think you are in good hands.
This is Bin.
This is Melancholy Xiong Xuan's personal website, just about my drawings, essays and some photos during drawing process, this is my everyday drawing life as an artist, I built up this small-island since 2013 at State College, PA. I know how precious to have your support, it is meaningful to drawing everyday, and it is meaningful that you see it on my website, it is like an isolated small island, away from lure from reality world, let me be dreaming, if you like my drawings, I will be so appreciating your support, thank you very much. contact: melancholysmallislandstudio@gmail.com
Here I share with you some earlier sketches 20 years ago sketches, in "Hello Kitty" file, I feel nicely when looking at my earlier work. i wish to continue my drawing until 89, just like Michelangelo, he was keeping sculpting until end of his life, he is my hero. I wish by end of my life, when I looking back my lifelong drawings, I will feel content and peacefully, how is it going to feel like? I wish a solo exhibition at my dream museum--- The Metropolitan Museum of Art, I wish my drawing could be good enough, I wish my work could match the top museum, I will feel proud of myself again, just like how I felt when I was 26 years old, when I was doing cast-drawing at the cast-hall of PAFA for Josh, with green clips, at that moment I was a line drawing with a early Renaissance relief, I decided only draw, so I put down painting brush and pallet, but I may pick it up, since earlier masters had done tones of beautiful works, so I can learn from their works, and I may like painting again. I may feel tired, like any body else, I may tired, so I may take a break, and then I will back to my easel, open my pencil-case, and start my drawing day. i am thankful for my Theo-- Hao still supporting me, and I appreciate you like my drawings, that becomes encouragement for my career, some time when I could make my solo exhibition at the Met, I will invite you to come and look at my work, sincerely, thank you. by Melancholy Xiong Xuan on 2024-12-27
here I tell you a little bit about myself: I was born in the suburb of Beijing, a small village, December 26th 1984, my mother told me it wasn't too much pain when berthing me, but it was a great deal of pain when she was berthing my elder sister, who is 4 years older than me, she was born in the year of monkey, and I was a little mouse. But it took so much care and love and painstakingly paying tuitions during my growing. My parents were local peasants, after all lands got overtaken by government, they raised sheep for some time, I still remember my mother used to hold a little lamp for me to draw it, I love that lamp portrait so much, I named it "Prince", but I lost that sketchbook unfortunately. My father was a carpenter, he actually built our house in traditional Chinese style, with red pillars and beautiful paintings on the wall, and he was always so proud about himself, keep bragging his house was the most beautiful building in the village, especially the front entrance looks extraordinarily, I love my father, I was his proud. And then my parents became butchers, they sold pork in farmers market, they lived harshly for the sake for me and my sister, I didn't realize how heavy money could be until I was the one to carry 8000 Yuan tuition to my high school, from that moment on I started studying hard, and finally made my goal --- I got in Tsinghua University the art academy, which is the best of my country, I studied 4 years there, 2003--2007, in painting major, of course, we had drawing classes also, I started my cross-hatching style since then, but at that time, I wasn't aware of it yet. Actually I started very early in my life, about 9 or 10 years old, I told my mother when I grow up I want to be a great artist, and my mother brought me to Children's Palace, registered in a traditional painting class with Wang, that is a big-belly man with thick beard, his work usually about mountains, cloud-seas, trees and rivers and stoned village tableaus, he was always smiling watching us, he even still remember my childhood portrait of my grandpa lying on bed, he cried when I revisited him. I was new to this world, and it seems there are so many interesting things attracted me, I feel exciting when drawing them, just sketch line drawings, I remember there was once I caught a big insect with wings, and I drew it, and anther time I was drawing white autumn flowers overnight, my mother surprised to see me still drawing there when she got up in the morning. During my mid-school, I was already a little woman, and I fell in love with a young man, he was very lovely and handsome by the way, I thought I was going to marry him when graduated, we were writing letters for 8 years until there was a moment I realized I need to end the relationship for my art, I was very sad about it and regret sometimes, I was drawing him and draw a seaside view showing us sitting side by side, hand in hand, watching the vast sea, that's what I imagined the love scene. During University time, I was reading art history and a lot of literatures, both Chinese and Western, and I fell in love with Vincent Van Gogh, I copied his paintings day after day, I got attracted by his brilliant colors and audacious compositions, when I read his biography, I noticed the frequency of his creation, especially during the time when he was living in the south area of France, he made paintings every day, almost every single day a new piece of art, I love his sun-flowers, I love his starry starry night, I love his battered shoes, I love his flowers and I love his letters with Theo. At that time I was fancying going abroad, especially go to France, go to the countryside where Millet was, when I realized my family couldn't afford that, I cried silently when I was painting, I cried and cried until the moment I accepted reality. But I didn't know one day I would be in America, and see the great Metropolitan Museum of Art, that's because of my husband, my Theo in my life, as He got enrolled in PSU as a PHD student, he brought me to the United States. He is my best friend and faithful supporter, listener and reader, I sincerely appreciate every single day with him, he let me feel so safe and stable, and encourages me keeping doing my art, I am happy with him, I swear wouldn't leave him after I left the art school in Philadelphia, PAFA, the Pennsylvania Academy of the fine arts, I was studying there for 2 years, like Mary Cassatt did, I was standing in the middle of the tremendous cast-hall, I was dumbfounded by the beauty of those ancient sculptures, and I decided only draw, only do drawings for the rest of my life, my favorite cast-drawing during that time was named "Joey", it's a 14th century early Renaissance relief, it's 3 angles walking towards temple, the girl in the front was holding hands together in front of her chest, as if she is holding something, but there is nothing in her hands, I think it's sincerity, the drawing was made to trying to prevent a professor about absent for a year from the school, I wanted to give my drawing to him to not let him go... that's my most beautiful drawing I ever done, 10 years later, I did a copy of it, with orange pencil, but it couldn't reach the height I used to be. I think about the reason of it, it was because I was completely engaged in it, and that was the first time I perceived the relief, the simple beauty and the elegant lines attracted me. i did it on coffee-colored cardboard, and then glue it on gray cardboard, to show the wall color. Now I recall how I was during the two years there, I was always drawing, I was so proud and even arrogant somehow, time was flying so fast.I.got inspired by my drawing teacher Michael Grimaldi, I still think, even now, still think his drawings was the most beautiful works among the academy teachers, I recorded when he was teaching me, and then I was trying to understand him, why he was talking so fast? That's fascinating for me. I admired him and appreciated him. For several years he was my inspirations and he was my communication in mind, I was talking to him and wanted to talk to him, I even didn't know thoughts may flowing like a stream, or one day, it may suddenly stop. Right now I am an independent artist, working alone, at my small-island studio, which is actually just my little apartment, my sweat home with my sweat husband Hao. I only make drawings, but i may break for a moment to do some landscapes paintings with my early hero Vincent Van Gogh, that would be after i finish my current work, it's Street-musicians, 280 by 60 inches, pencil on paper, I spent about half a year to start it, right now, it's going to be detailed, and it will need about another half a year to finish, I like it so far it's still looks very light, orange toned paper makes it seems brown toned. Right now I live in Virginia, for 8 years, I finished a group of fabric studies, two sets of studio interiors, and a series of street musicians. Art is not easy, it takes so long to be able to be preparatory, to be able to make a shape correctly, and then you need to practice a lot to be yourself, to find your way, and to put down whoever used to be significant for you, no matter who they are, either it's a great master in the art history, or it's a earlier art teacher, right now, I am the artist, and I have to make my own art my own way, completely by myself!. So please understand I need a quiet studio environment, so that I can concentrate my mind with my pencil, so that I can feel my work is going on with my hand, it's very very important, so please leave me space, let me draw by myself, let me be totally engaged with my work, I am a great artist, i started my art-learning since my girlhood, and I still stick on with it now, i know I have very sensitive talent about light and shadow illusions, I am making something great now, so please let me draw, I feel desperate about my reality situation, but now I really appreciate I could make my art here, without have to find a job. For those friendly people who like my work, I will update my drawings on my website often, so you could see, sometimes when I have something to say, I will write essays, so you could know me a little better. Thank you so much for everything you have done for me, thank you. by Melancholy Xiong Xuan 2025-3-17
About my art: I am a pencil-work artist, because I swear to make drawing only, and the reason for that because I like the texture of pencil, like sand by seaside, I walk there, feel the sand underneath my feet, leaving footsteps behind me. I work with mechanical pencil, because it save me time to sharp it, and because it can reach max level of fineness, especially when it's a classical art theme, for example, my "Street-Musicians" series. I do cross-hatching gradually, rather then put darkest dark immediately, I perceive light and shadow gradually, especially the strongest contrast between light and shadow, it takes time to understand why somewhere looks stronger than elsewhere, it's the earliest lesson I learnt since childhood, which is if the light comes from right, then the shadow will be on the opposite direction, the farther it's distant from the light-source, the weaker it appears, and contours under the dark areas will be blurry, as it retreating into the background. I do not use cotton or stump to smear pencil marks, I just build up with my mechanical pencil, because I prefer leave some texture of cross-hatching on the paper. My drawing paper are board mat using in frame-shop, it's strong enough to let me do cross-hatching for 50 layers. I do vertically and diagonally, and then I turn my paper horizontally, to be able to do cross-hatching from the opposite direction. Gradually I have trained my eyes to continue working when it's turned horizontally. I love my printing pictures, it teaches me to observe carefully, and be patient during working. I know there are differences between photos and actual drawings, and I do not try to mimic to be the same as what I trying to learn, especially when some contours look so sharp that it must look like a paper-cut if I make the shape sharply, that's where I decided to smear the contours, to make it fading away and retreating back until disappeared gradually, so that you could feel the space around the figure. I love classical paintings, especially the Renaissance period of time, I got amazed by the calm, peaceful, serenely mood in the pictures, including Greek sculptures can refract the atmosphere of something holy and beautiful. I noticed in classical paintings, there are blurry contours retreating around the figures, to step back into the darker background. I always darken the background to be darker gray, because in reality, no matter where I look at, there are backgrounds around whatever I am looking at, and there is no absolute whiteness background, so I darken the sky and the foreground darker, gradually, of course. The areas the feet stepping on will be dramatically dark, it's the darkest dark in the picture. I still haven't figure out darkest dark mixed with oil, the technique is unknown for me, I put it aside right now, I will find the way later on. I do not like charcoal and white chalk, because my logic is the build up light and shadow effect gradually, and indirectly, rather than dark with charcoal at once, also because I do not like make powders full of my hand. In order to protect my drawing during work, I put a transparent plastic paper on top, fix with clips on top, so it wouldn't got blurred unnoticed. I keep my drawings with me, because sometimes I miss a specific piece, so I took it up, mount it on the wall, and take a look, sometimes redraw it or make some changes. Just like right now, I hang my earlier 5 years ago work, and still make necessary changes, looking at those faces and figures I did, I still feel the passion I used to travel with. Each drawing is a gurney. I wouldn't try to sell my work right now, because I am accumulating works right now, so far I have finished one fifth of my goal, I still have 200 drawing papers, I will finish each piece with all my effort and sincerity, as I promised to my pencil "Pinky" I will continue my career, no matter there is applause or not, no matter it is a glory or gloomy in front, I will do my work all by myself, until I am ready for my exhibition some day. I see hope in my work, I know it's not easy all the way until here, so much difficulties and harsh time had passed, I see a glory sun warming my heart, with tears. My aim is to become a great artist, how to define it then? I think the answer is simple: a great artist who can makes great artworks. I am a conservative person, I wouldn't do modern art, my art is very limited, but within the limitness I have found infinite meanings, that's why I am still so eager with every single pencil mark I put on paper. I like modern art too, so beautiful and creative, but I choose to make my art my own way. My goal is to draw better than Leonardo DaVinci, I believe I can make it some day. So when I am drawing another 30 years, I look back, as I sifting through my works, I could proudly point out some masterpieces. I know I can do well, or badly, through time, I will make progress, and I will feel the depth of artwork like in blurry water. When I am swimming, I feel released from the pressure of my art, just like take a break, doing something completely different. I am learning a book about Van Gogh with an audible book, I need to stimulate my thoughts a little, so that my mind wouldn't hover in old memories, especially some hurtful ones. As long as there is no war, it's a nice day, and my normal working day is the greatest gift for my life. I thank who made it for me. I thank you, who care about me and checking my website sometimes. I love you Josh, I made a Chinese name for you: 小泽 handwriting by Melancholy Xiong Xuan on April 25, 2025.